A friend of mine told me a story. His childhood friend was found dead in his apartment in Ukraine six months after his death. The 50-year-old man had died alone from unknown causes. A dead cat was found by his bed. The man had no immediate family, but he had a nephew who tried to reach him a few times. He called, came over, and knocked on the door, but that was about it. He just turned around and went back to his life.
This story struck a chord with me. It's well known that more and more people are dying alone, not only in Ukraine or Japan, where bysomeestimates,4,000elderlyJapanese dieathomealoneperweek but also in the US, with its rapidly aging population.
But those facts are not why I couldn't get this story out of my head. What struck me most was the epidemic that was spreading around the world at horrific speed. The name of this epidemic is indifference.
When I Googled "indifference," most of the hits were articles about politics — indifference to climate change, the refugee crisis in Europe, etc. Are these the most dangerous symptoms of indifference? What about our indifference to each other? The lack of empathy for our fellow human beings?
Elie Wiesel, a survivor of the Holocaust, a writer, and a Nobel Peace Prize laureate, was a witness and victim of one of the most heinous crimes committed in recent memory. However, he noted that it was not the Nazi cruelty that had the most detrimental effect on his life and the millions of prisoners in concentration camps, but rather the indifference of bystanders: the silence of good men and women.
Of course, indifference can be tempting — more than that, seductive. It is so much easier to look away from victims. It is so much easier to avoid such rude interruptions to our work, our dreams, our hopes. It is, after all, awkward, troublesome, to be involved in another person's pain and despair. Yet, for the person who is indifferent, his or her neighbor is of no consequence. And, therefore, their lives are meaningless. Their hidden or even visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the other to an abstraction.
Wiesel says that indifference seeks comfort over love, and this is the key. We are so overwhelmed with our everyday problems that we don't want to spend our energy and time tuning into other people's emotions. It's so easy to dive into the blue ocean of your phone and turn yourself off. How often do we see this scene in a restaurant today: a family gets together for dinner, but we don't see their eyes, only the top of their heads glued to the only thing that matters — their phones?
There was a 70-year-old man, Carl, working at the front desk of my gym. He was probably retired, and the job not only supported him financially but was also something he genuinely enjoyed. Carl knew everyone by name in this gym with a large membership. My gut feeling told me he had no family but had a magic ability to give people such positive vibes that they would feel rejuvenated for the rest of the day.
Suddenly, he disappeared. He was diagnosed with esophagus cancer and had to undergo surgery. At first, everyone prayed for his recovery. After a couple of months, a new person started working at the front desk. I asked about Carl several times, but nobody could give me a good answer. The only thing I heard was, "he is fine," which, as we know, means nothing.
Finally, my gym instructor said, "It's so nice you are asking about Carl! Nobody is asking about him anymore! He is getting better but still in a lot of pain, and he lost 100 lbs. You know he has no family… I'll tell him you asked about him."
Indifference elicits no response. Indifference is not a response. Indifference is not a beginning; it is an end. And, therefore, indifference is always the friend of the enemy, for it benefits the aggressor — never his victim, whose pain is magnified when he or she feels forgotten. And in denying their humanity, we betray our own. Indifference, then, is not only a sin; it is a punishment.
I don't know about the punishment part. Do all indifferent people get punished? I don't think so. They may feel guilty, which is already a good sign in and of itself. But I think for many people, indifference is a shield they use to protect their isles of comfort from the wilderness of the outside world, with its human dramas, diseases, deaths, and other 'disturbances' that are called people's lives.
What can we do about it? Can indifference be cured?
Taylor Bennett, the author of Leaving Depression Behind, outlines four reasons for apathy. I vote only for one: low self-esteem; it can strike us occasionally or be a permanent state. Feelings of being unwanted or unlikeable make us shut down, hide in our shells, and become blind and deaf toward the rest of the world. The cure is clear: engage with the world! Climb out of your shell, rub your eyes, and see the sun! Look around and listen to the sounds of life. What is that old lady in the store saying? Does she really need help, or does she want to talk to someone because she is tired of being alone in her apartment? Please take a few moments to stop and smile at her. That's all she needs.
***
A man was found dead in his apartment six months after his death. A dead cat was found near his bed. It was the only witness, but it couldn't dial 911. It is not how human life should end, and it's our responsibility to prevent this from happening. There is a reason why we are called human beings. Let's stand for that name.
~ Irene Sulyevich
UPCOMING MEETINGS
Our August 13th member meeting will be from 6:30 PM to 8:30 at the St. Matthews library at 3940 Grandview Ave.
If you are interested in receiving a peer critique, let us know before [meeting date] at noon through email () and tell us what you are bringing. Please bring 8 printed copies of the manuscript you want us to read. No more than 1300 words (4 to 4.5 pages double-spaced) for prose (excerpts of longer pieces welcome), or two pages of poetry.
Our September meeting will be on the evening of Thursday the 12th at Fante’s Coffee Shop for Give for Good! More details to come.
Empathy vs. indifference. Two sides of a coin. As writers, we must have empathy to create characters in a story, or give life to inanimate objects, or capture the beautiful rhythm and color of our language in a poem. But nobody is perfect. Do we too sometimes fall prey to the allure of indifference? Does empathy overload exist? I rarely watch the news anymore. I read the paper so that I can read what I want to read. Or I might listen to a podcast so that I can flip it off if it’s too much. Perhaps, however, we are ignoring the small things happening right in our own world, our family, friend, co-worker world. There are ways that we can make a difference. What seems small to us might have a huge impact on someone else, a kind word, a get-well card, a “how are you” text. How can we get beyond just knocking on the door and then retreating when we don’t get an answer?
Fiction: Write about a flawed character, someone who totally misses the boat empathically. Why is your character so unable to relate to others? What are the consequences?
Poetry: Write a poem that helps the reader feel empathy for an inanimate object or something that would not normally inspire warmth.
Nonfiction: Dig into your own psyche. Write about an empathic failure on your part. What were the consequences? How did you come to terms with it?
~ Colleen Ryan
WE WANT TO SUPPORT YOUR WRITING LIFE
Members, if you have a website or social media platform dedicated to your writing, share it with us so we can share it with our Women Who Write community. Send your details to and we will share in a future newsletter.
Members, write a poem, story, or essay for the Women Who Write website blog. No more than 2,000 words, please. Publishing on our blog will expand your writing platform. And you’ll help WWW show off the variety of talents within our writing community! Browse our webblognow! For more information, email and pitch your story or poem—the one you’ve written or the one you want to write! We may provide suggested edits, for flow and clarity.
Sarabande Books presents a ‘ZineLunch most Fridays at noon—it’s a free online workshop on micro-writing and art.
Submit a story to LandslideLit(erary) on Medium.com, a publication edited by two WWW members—Kimberly Crum and Bonnie Omer Johnson—who will provide editorial suggestions.
Duotrope is a fabulous resource for writers who want to publish in literary journals and anthologies and enter contests. You will receive a listing of submission opportunities in your inbox, specifically for your genre. Cost is $5 per month or $50 per year.
Submittable is another terrific resource for publication and other opportunities for writers. Many publications require submissions to be submitted through this service. Also, it’s free!
HerStry literary essay/memoir blog seeks to empower women through their writing. In addition to accepting personal essay submissions four times per year, HerStry accepts submissions on “monthly themes” that are intended as prompts for writers to tell their stories. June’s theme is Coming of Age
PoetsandWriters has an extensive list of literary magazines to which you can submit.
Consider submitting to Dorothy Parker’s Ashes, an online magazine of personal essays with the tagline, “Brazen words by witty dames. Everything true. More or less.”
NewPages lists writing contests by the month and day that their submissions close. There are many closing 6/15 and 6/30, check them out!
SUPPORT OUR WRITING COMMUNITY!
Become a member or renew your membership—As a community, WWW strives to nurture your writing life. We hope you choose to joinorrenew as a member and participate in our monthly meetings, author talks, retreats, and workshops. Our membership coordinator will notify anyone due to renew. Regular annual membership is $50. Student annual membership is $25. Scholarships are available. Membership entitles you to discounts on workshops and retreats.
Attend our monthly member meetings on the second Tuesday of each month for a brief program, peer critiques, and conversations about the writing life. Not currently a member? You can attend two meetings before deciding to join.
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